I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
