The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
