I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
