I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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