so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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