i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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