I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
