i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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