So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
