the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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