Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
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He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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