This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
