hell yes lets make some ravioli
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
