please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
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Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
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No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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