I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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