he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
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Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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