I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize