im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
