Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
