Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize