omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
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it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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