1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
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