Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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