I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
