I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize