So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
