Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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