from now on my penis is your penis
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
