Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
