the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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