Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
