You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
