I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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