Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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