The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It was like giving head to a cactus.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
