My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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