you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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