I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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