maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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