I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
