here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
