guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
