yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
