I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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