hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
