also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
