been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
