i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
