i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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