Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We are all done wearing pants today
my liver is dry heaving
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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