she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
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