i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
