what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
