I'm so fucking centered right now
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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