i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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