i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
