I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Holy sore nipples Batman
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
