one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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