I got chris browned last night
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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