So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
