Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
